Figuring It Out: on speaking... the Public kind

Public Speaking
When I was in High school, I took a Public Speaking class. I took it again in college. I don't remember very much from either class.

I have always loved to write. I think I wrote my first poem in 4th grade. I've been singing?for as long as I can remember. And reading and art have been interests of mine ever since I could read and hold a pencil in my hand. People say that if you do all of these things, (reading and writing in particular) then Public Speaking should be added to your repertoire. (Really?)

Loneliness
I am a pretty sensitive girl. I am shy, but I am also an extrovert. Go figure. I am terrible at initiating conversations with strangers, and sometimes, I hide behind my husband, or I make him do the talking. I don't always answer my door when people I don't know come knocking on it and I HATE talking on the phone.

You know that time during church when you are supposed to welcome the person next to you or go say "hello" to the new family that just walked in? This is the part of the church service when I cringe. I hate that about myself. There are tons of people that I miss out on all the time because I hide behind the coffee maker. I am not advocating "shyness" by any means. It's a weakness of mine and I'm working on it.

The funny thing is that I also suffer from loneliness. If I am feeling depressed or if I don't have energy to do things, it's usually when I haven't been around people for a while. (And when I say a while, I mean that?every few days or so, I need some kind of interaction that goes beyond my home life.) I thrive on the energy I get from other people. I need it. I need to have funny conversations, meaningful conversations, and deep heart-to-hearts if I am going to be a productive person in society. Facebook is great for people like me, because you don't have to look people in the eye...how sad is that?

So, knowing this about myself, I try to get involved in small groups as much as I can. I find things that I think I might be good at and I jump in. In fact, this week I have?three nights already taken up by meetings with other groups of people. (It's going to be a great week!) But part of joining things, means there will probably come a time when I have to step outside of my comfort zone.

Panic City
Over the last month or so, a friend asked me to do something that would require me?to speak?in front of 100+ people for possibly?two minutes. Two minutes doesn't seem very long, but when you are terrified,?two minutes becomes a lifetime. And speaking in front of any size group really freaks me out.

Like I said, I have been singing in front of people for most of my life, but I rarely speak words into the microphone. I think this is true for me, because singing is usually with a band of musicians...which means I am not alone up there. I have people with me trying to accomplish the same things as me.

But, life is about pressing through, finding new outlets, taking risks, and so?I thought, Sure! Why not?

The night before my speech (if you can even call it that) my stomach was hating me. I was so nervous. I tossed and turned in my sleep all night. I woke up way too early and couldn't go back to sleep. It's not?as if?I didn't prepare either. I probably over prepared considering it was only two?minutes long.?It should have been a piece of cake. What was I so worried about?

The morning came, and I was a ball of nerves. I think I ran to the bathroom three?times before leaving my house. As I sat there, waiting to be called up, I was on the verge of tears. I just wanted it to be over. I even thought about backing out. But I couldn't. I was so afraid of messing up my words and looking like a total moron, and backing out would probably seal the deal that I in fact was a moron.

Finally, the moment came. It was time. Everything became fuzzy. I walked up to the microphone and I couldn't see a single person's face.?I remember my mouth feeling very dry. My legs felt like they were going to collapse. I had never experienced anything like it... not even in my High school/college speech classes. I had to hold my notes and I could see them shaking from being in my hands. I opened my mouth, and I think words came out?and then... it was over.?It was all over. I had made it through with all of my body parts still in place. The floor was still beneath me. The world was still spinning.

Now, whether or not it was any good is another story and honestly as that moment, I didn't even care anymore. I went home, and took a nice little nap.

So what did I learn? I learned that the world isn't going to end if people see my weaknesses. And I also learned that risk is worth it, no matter the outcome.?Because, If I never get out there, if I never make friends, or push myself to take risks, if I don't risk?showing the world what kind of fool I can be, I will always be alone. I would rather fall on my face and have people there to pick me up, than hide in my room?all by myself. Even if this is not something that I ever get better at or feel comfortable with, I am glad I did it. Mission accomplished!

Question:
What kinds of risks are you taking? I want to know your stories, because our stories are what remind us that we aren't alone. Come self-depricate with me.

Source: http://figuringitout1215.blogspot.com/2012/02/on-speaking-public-kind.html

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